Hard Conversations

We live in a broken, fallen world full of strife, difficulty and disagreement. We don't always get along with or agree with those around us. Maybe someone has done something that has hurt you financially, emotionally, or otherwise. You might feel bitter and you might be wounded, but things don't have to stay that way. 

Often the conversations you most dread are the ones you most need to have. There is something deep down inside us that knows exactly what we need to do. That feeling of dread or fear may not mean what you have always thought. Those knots in your stomach might not be telling you to run, but just might be confirming what you need to do. Whatever conversation has you scared, run towards it. Sure things could blow up in your face and go badly, but being willing to lean in and engage in tough conversations just might lead to outcomes you've only dreamed of.   

Tough conversations don't have to be negative or destructive. It can actually serve as an opportunity to strengthen your relationships and help you grow as an individual. If for no other reason, lean in and engage those you most fear. It has the potential to completely change everything. If you think about it in these terms, those tough conversations all of a sudden get a whole lot easier. 

Ok, you know you need to have a tough conversation but you aren't sure how. Here are a few quick hits that can help you master the art of the difficult conversation. 

Prepare your heart. This is the most challenging part of any difficult interchange. Before going to the other person pause and take a look at yourself. Search your own attitudes, words and actions. Many times you'll find that you've contributed far more to the relational strife your experiencing than you previously realized. Taking a swim in your own stuff will better prepare you to talk to someone else about theirs.

Be humble. humility looks good on you..jpg

Plan out what you will say. Scripting your conversation may be impractical however, it is extremely helpful to spend some time processing not only what you will say but how you will say it. While the content of your message is important, method and tone are even more so. A helpful way to address tone and method is by how you would like to be confronted. One golden rule that won't steer you wrong is to be humble. A humble attitude smooths over a lot more than you realize. 

Lead With Your Weaknesses

You're not perfect. Whether it's sarcasam, responding out of anger or not delivering on your commitments, you make dozens of mistakes each and every day. The temptation to hide and minimize your mistakes is overwhelming because the first thing you want to do is run as far from them as possible. 

While this is your natural tendency it might not always be the best strategy for responding to failure. Our failures provide us with an opportunity to take giant steps forward and helps us connect with others. Today, I want to encourage you not to run from or hide your failures but to embrace and share them openly. 

Display your authentic self. Openly discussing your short comings and failures knocks down the dividing wall and allows others to connect with you. Whether you are aware of it or not there is a dividing wall between you and those you impact and lead. Often times that wall of division is the gap between who you truly are and others perception of you. The quickest way to shrink this gap is to authentically share your struggles and failures. The fear in doing so is that it will change how people see you. The funny thing is that this fear is 100% true. They will see you differently, just not in the way you fear they will. 

Part of the reason people lean in and see you more positively when you share your struggles is that they can relate. People aren't perfect and they know it. They already know you aren't perfect either and that you make mistakes because you're human. Opening up and leading with your weakness displays confidence not the lack there of. People will follow a leader who doesn't run from his short comings. 

Be known for owning your stuff. The next time you drop the ball or just blow it, seize it for the opportunity that it is and own it. Do far more than acknowledge that you messed up, ask those impacted by your failure to forgive you. Trust me, this is a trait you want to be known for. It displays a humble heart, empowers others and will transform your relationships.     

People Matter

Do you want to succeed in life? Do you want to leave a legacy behind you? Do you want to build a successful business or career? These and almost anything else you desire to find in life can be achomplisehd if you will do just one simple thing, value people.   

That's it. It really is that simple. 

If you will shift your focus away from trying to chase down and acheive what you want, and instead focus on how you can help others, it changes everything.

People's greatest need is to be valued.

People want someone to take notice of them. To look them in the eye and ask them about their day. To listen to them. To treat them with kindness, decency and love. People know when you value them and they can tell when you don't. 

"The path to being a better leader is paved with the asphalt of the habits we develop" - Brad Lomenick.

Developing a few intentional habits can help you grow in how you value other people and completely change everything for you.  

Pray for people. It is hard to dislike those you prayer for. One of the quickest ways to change how you feel about someone is to pray for them. Ask the Lord to work in their life, to give you a love for them, to use them to reveal to you where you need to grow, and to draw them closer to Himself. 

Talk to people. The fastest way to get to know someone is a conversation. Sadly, people are having real face to face conversations less and less. Don't give in to the pressure to hide behind your key board. Go talk to people. Invite them to meet you for coffee, join you for lunch or the big game. Listen to what they tell you, laugh often and have fun. 

Be an encourager. There is so much power in your words. Power to wound and power to heal. There are far too many people using their words to wound and hurt. Be a person who uses their words to lovingly encourage and uplift others. Compliment and celebrate others as often as you can. 

Look people in the eye, stick out your hand & smile. Statistics say that the average person will meet 80,000 people in their life time. That's a staggering amount of people. With so many opportunities to meet new people, one of the best habits you can develop is the habit of warmly greeting everyone you meet. Never underestimate the power of a genuine smile. 
 
Walk slow. Instead of rushing from place to place and task to task. Slow down life's pace a little. Chances are you don't have to move at a break neck pace all the time. Slow it down a little and allow yourself to connect with those around you. Be open and invite other people in. 

The quickest path to finding the success you want in life or business can be found in loving and valuing people. 

Worth A Listen

On Monday I shared 4 Steps to Personal Growth. A number of the tweaks I shared consisted of filling your mind with good and helpful things. There are few avenues to sharpen your mind and jump start your personal growth like listening to podcasts. It allows you to transform those previously mundane parts of life into some of the most meaningful time in your day. Its how you redeem your commute, mowing the lawn or folding laundry and ultimately it is how you will transform your mind.

Below are ten podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis. If you are looking to grow and take things to the next level, I emplore you to add them to your que and give them a listen.  

5 Leadership Questions
If you are looking for an excellent leadership podcast to help you grow, this is the one! I stumbled upon it  and it has instantly become one of my absolute favorites. During each episode hosts Barnabas Piper and Todd Adkins ask five questions of a guest or about different leadership topics. Recent podcasts have touched on the differences between coaching and mentoring, leadership differences by generations, and public speaking.   

Ask Pastor John
A daily podcast providing thought provoking thinking on ranging topics to help you grow and engage God's word on various topics. 

HBR IdeaCast
A product of the Harvard Business Review, the HBR IdeaCast is a wonderful podcast sampling some of the finest thinking on a wide range of topics. Recent discussions have included the creator of Wordpress, the CEO of PepsiCo, and the topic of becoming a better listener.         

The Briefing
The Briefing is a daily analysis of news and events from a Christian worldview. It is one that I listen to each morning to engage my mind in thinking about the days headlines.   

This Is Your Life
Michael Hyatt is the defacto leader when it comes to blogging for influence. In addition to his blog Michael hosts a podcast sharing practical advice to help you take your career to the next level. 

Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast 
I stumbled upon this podcast recently after reading several of Carey's blog posts and have really enjoyed it. Carey interviews some extraordinary leaders and brings their insights to you. 

Entrepreneur On Fire  
Entrepreneur On Fire is an excellent collection of interviews with some of today's top entrepreneurs. Recent interviews have included NY Times Best-selling author Michael Port, and Udemy king and online course guru Jonathan Levi. From an officer in the U.S. Army to podcast master John Lee Dumas has a pretty cool story and helps other entrepreneurs share their's in a helpful and meaningful way.   

The Tim Ferriss Show
Tim conducts some of the most interesting and compelling interviews I've heard. Tim is the author of 4 Hour Work Week and engages people from all walks of life in an entertaining fashion. 

Manager Tools
The go to podcast for learning how to manage and lead people. They cover topics ranging from running a meeting to leading a team to taking notes in a meeting. If you need to learn it, they teach it in a helpful and insightful way.    

The Art of Manliness
In this weekly podcast Brett McKay discusses the topics we all want to know more about with some of today's top authors and leaders. If you aren't familiar with Brett McKay and his awesome blog, The Art of Manliness, you just might need to check it out. 

4 Steps to Personal Growth

As the great Tony Robbins says,"For things to change, you gotta change." 

The truth is your team and your business are dependent on your growth. It can't grow if your not. So own it. Draw a line in the sand today and commit to growing and developing yourself. If you are growing you can lead and today I have a simple four step plan to help transform you over the next year. 

1. Read

You hear this one all the time because it is true. Leaders are readers & readers are leaders. Reading helps sharpen your mind and helps you grow as a communicator. It is not just the content of what you read that shapes you, you learn how to think and communicate in an articulate and coherent fashion.

If the thought of reading has you overwhelmed or you just don't think you have time, start small. Commit to reading a minimum of 10 pages per day. That's 3,650 pages in a year! 

2. Redeem Your Commute

Instead of listening to the radio, dial up a podcast or audio book while you drive. This simple step will transform your commute from simply getting from A to B into one that transforms your mind. 

3. Replace TV

One common habit of the extremely successful that I have seen in interview after interview is that they turn off the TV. Instead of spending the 30 minutes before bed on the couch watching the next episode of your favorite show on Netflix, pull out your laptop or iPad and spend that time putting good things in your mind. Listen / watch videos of the top personal growth leaders as you prepare for bed.   

4. Lock Arms with Winners

It is said that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. I couldn't agree more. Increase your time with good people who are running the same direction and encourage one another. 

None of these steps requires much more of you than a commitment to do a few things differently over a period of time but what a difference they could make!