Asking for permission

You’re going to have to tell people things they don’t want to hear. 

Maybe they did something to offend or hurt you, or perhaps you’ve noticed something in their life that is out of whack and needs addressing. 

Whatever the reason, your love, and care for others will require you to have hard conversations. 

How you go about doing so is paramount. 

One of the best sets of questions comes from Scott Kedersha who will ask, “Can I share something with you?” or “Can I give you some feedback on some things I have seen in you?”

That’s exactly how you approach a difficult conversation. 

Conversations go smoother when you lead by asking permission to share hard things. 

Sadly, people more often choose the opposite approach. 

Be different and stand out from the crowd. 

Care and love enough not only to have the hard conversation but to do so with a soft and gentle touch.

‘You catch more flies with honey’ as they say. 

Go First

Discipline doesn’t sit back and wait for someone or something else to make the first move. 

It moves.

It goes first. 

It's bold enough to step forward and have tough conversations, to do the hard things on the to-do list, and to offer a helping hand. 

Seize the initiative. 

Step up and be bold. 

Be the one to go first. 

One Thing New Parents Should Do Before Baby Arrives

This past December, my wife and I traveled to the Hill Country area just outside Austin, TX. We were there to celebrate Christmas and relax before the start of the new year with my wife’s family. We needed to recharge before 2017 got off to a fast start—our first wedding was scheduled for January 1st. We spend a handful of days reconnecting and making new memories with Hannah’s family at the close of each year. In the midst of all the craziness of life, we can look forward to sharing this sweet time around Christmas and New Years.

Small, solitary moments and one on one conversations form my favorite memories each year. One small word of advice has stuck with me from the many such occasions that took place this past Christmas.

We sat in various chairs and couches scattered all over the living room—avoiding the second highest cedar count in recorded history—having conversations as varied as the wind that blew outside. Since Hannah and I were then, as we are now expecting our first child, the subject naturally turned to the newest addition to the family. Amid all the advice and memories shared, one idea stood above the rest.

“When you’re all packed, and headed to the hospital,” Uncle Daryl said, “turn around and take one last look at the inside of your home before walking out the door—it’ll be the last time you’re in that house just the two of you. Things will never be the same.”

It’s been almost three months since Hannah’s uncle Daryl shared his insight, and it’s still there rattling around inside my head. I love the simple truth of it all. Things change dramatically when children enter the fray. Not in a negative sense, but in a realistic sense. I’m sure there are many ways bringing that bundle of joy through our front door will change our lives, that I can’t even fathom presently. I can’t wait. Until then however, I’m going to soak up these last remaining moments and anticipate the ending of an era, the turning of a page.

When we pack up and head for the hospital—be it tomorrow or next week—we’ll turn around and take a mental snapshot of our home while it’s just the two of us.

What single piece of advice, insight or input would you share with a new dad preparing to bring home his first child?

A Quick Simple Way To Improve At Sharing Your Faith

You're constantly surrounded by and bumping into people who don't know Christ. That person sitting next to you on the plane, in a coffee shop or standing behind you in line at the grocery store. Many of them don't know Christ, and might even be hostile to the gospel. You know you should talk to them about spiritual things, you may even want to, but for this reason or that you don't. Maybe you don't know where to begin or fear you won't be able to handle the objections they might throw out. 

Don't worry, you aren't alone. Most of us have been there at one time or another. I certainly have. 

Your heart's pounding like it'll jump out of your chest at any second, your palms are clamming up with sweat, and your knees are shaking like a leaf in the wind.  Voice trembling all along, you turn and say,

"Hello. I'm Scotty. What's your name?"

"Hi Scotty, great to meet you. My name's Eric."

Now what? You've introduced yourself and engaged them in conversation at the most basic level, but haven't a clue what say next.

"What do you believe about God?" You quickly stammer out.

"God? Only cotton headed ninny muggins believe in that stuff."

"Um...Uh..."

How do you respond? What do you say next? I doubt a real conversation would be this direct, and that the response of an atheist would include a reference to Elf, but it does have a ring of truth to it doesn't it.

We've all been party to or witnessed some awkward version of the above exchange. We mean well, and are willing to step up to the plate, but we haven't the first clue what to do once we get there. Most of the time we don't even get the bat off our shoulder.

Why is that? Don't we have deeply held convictions and reasoned arguments to support what we believe about God, The Bible and reality? Of course we do. The problem is that we don't have a clear, concise game plan. Think about it. Every great success in the world has a plan and works it. They craft it carefully and are ready when the moment strikes. The same is true when it comes to having spiritual conversations, its a pretty good idea to have a game plan. 

Greg Koukl has done the heavy lifting for us. He has carefully and thoughtfully crafted a game plan to help followers of Christ engage the world around them in a wise and gracious fashion. This game plan can be located in his book, Tactics: A Game Plan For Discussing Your Christian Convictions. 

Today, I want to share with you some of the most helpful and insightful aspects of Greg's book. Insights that I hope and pray will help you in your conversations this week, and encourage you to run grab your own copy of Tactics. 

Let's get down to business and discuss 

1. Leave a stone in their shoe

Greg completely shatters many of the preconceived notions too many of us have when it comes to evangelism. Early on he compels us to start thinking of spiritual conversations in a new light and to readjust our goals from getting to a full on gospel presentation in each and every conversation to "put a stone in someone's shoe". What does this odd but catchy phrase mean? It means leaving the other person with something worth thinking about, something that just gnaws at them in a good way.  

2. Get good at asking questions

By asking carefully selected questions you accomplish several things at the same time. You gain control of the conversation, keep it moving forward and keep things civil. Again the goal isn't to share the gospel in each and every conversation, it is to ask the right question and plant the right seed to get the other person thinking. Questions are one of the best vehicles for encouraging thoughtful dialogue. They are non threatening, friendly, and flattering. People love to share their opinion, its just that so few people ever take the time to ask. 

Question 1: "What do you mean by that?" 

Make them spell out their own view, specifically. In order to have a thoughtful conversation, you need to understand the other person's views. This question helps you gather valuable information on exactly what they think. Instead of staggering through the conversation assuming you know what they mean by this or that, this question is designed to help you get it straight from the horses mouth. You'll be surprised how often you're assumptions are wrong. Better still, you get them to spell it out in exact terms. No more guess work on your part. 

Question 2: "How did you come to that conclusion?"

They've made a claim and presented a view, now its time to make them defend it. It's not your job to refute their claim, it's up to them to prove it. Ask them to explain what has led them to drawing their particular conclusions. Intelligent views have supporting reasons. Make them spell these out. 

3. Plan ahead

There are certain topics that you can reasonably assume will come up as you're out and about. If you sat down for more than 10 mins. you could come up with dozens of objections that will be thrown your way. Get ready for them. If Adrian Beltre knew the next pitch was a fastball down the middle of the plate, you can be certain it'll end up about 20 rows deep. He's flat hit it out of the park. And so should you. Take some time to formulate and practice responses to common objections. This is where modern technology come in handy. Create notes in your favorite note taking app containing common questions, arguments and claims with your responses. That way you have them right there in your pocket everywhere you go. 

No one said evangelism would be easy stuff. Sometimes it leads to some down right nasty encounters. No matter how rude people are, or how poorly we think we've done it, hopefully we'll have left a stone in their shoe that gets them thinking. I have only scratched the surface on the immense help Greg provides in Tactics. It is one of those rare books that becomes a resource you will return to time and again the minute you finish it.   

Hard Conversations

We live in a broken, fallen world full of strife, difficulty and disagreement. We don't always get along with or agree with those around us. Maybe someone has done something that has hurt you financially, emotionally, or otherwise. You might feel bitter and you might be wounded, but things don't have to stay that way. 

Often the conversations you most dread are the ones you most need to have. There is something deep down inside us that knows exactly what we need to do. That feeling of dread or fear may not mean what you have always thought. Those knots in your stomach might not be telling you to run, but just might be confirming what you need to do. Whatever conversation has you scared, run towards it. Sure things could blow up in your face and go badly, but being willing to lean in and engage in tough conversations just might lead to outcomes you've only dreamed of.   

Tough conversations don't have to be negative or destructive. It can actually serve as an opportunity to strengthen your relationships and help you grow as an individual. If for no other reason, lean in and engage those you most fear. It has the potential to completely change everything. If you think about it in these terms, those tough conversations all of a sudden get a whole lot easier. 

Ok, you know you need to have a tough conversation but you aren't sure how. Here are a few quick hits that can help you master the art of the difficult conversation. 

Prepare your heart. This is the most challenging part of any difficult interchange. Before going to the other person pause and take a look at yourself. Search your own attitudes, words and actions. Many times you'll find that you've contributed far more to the relational strife your experiencing than you previously realized. Taking a swim in your own stuff will better prepare you to talk to someone else about theirs.

Plan out what you will say. Scripting your conversation may be impractical however, it is extremely helpful to spend some time processing not only what you will say but how you will say it. While the content of your message is important, method and tone are even more so. A helpful way to address tone and method is by how you would like to be confronted. One golden rule that won't steer you wrong is to be humble. A humble attitude smooths over a lot more than you realize.