Look To Christ Not Self-Discipline

The default position of the human heart is set towards earning. We assume that we must work and work and work to achieve absolutely everything, including God’s praise. 

“We all automatically gravitate toward the assumption that we are justified by our level of sanctification…We start each day with our personal security resting not on the accepting love of God and the sacrifice of Christ but on our present feelings or recent achievements in [religion]. Since these arguments will not quiet the human conscience, we are inevitably moved…to a self-righteousness which falsifies the record to achieve a sense of peace.” —Richard Lovelace, Dynamics of Spiritual Life

Hit pause for a moment before heading out the door to worship or whatever it is on your calendar this day. Look at your heart and life. Consider its defaults position and ask yourself examining questions. Questions like, “Do I place too much stock in my own self-discipline?” Or, “Have I come to believe that I am saved by my own efforts and will?” Better still, “If someone were to look at my life, would they conclude the same?” 

I struggle and fall into this trap far too often. I can allow how I am doing and how disciplined I am to become the measure of my relationship with God. I feel close and pleasing to Him when I am doing well; and distant and displeasing when I fall short. 

Neither of those things is true. My standing before God does not change regardless of how early I get up, how much time I spend reading the Bible, or how I pray. It also does not shift or change when I choose to sin. 

Right behavior and discipline are not the foundation of our relationship with God. Christ’s is. He measured up in every way we fall short and more.  

Look to Christ for security instead of at your subjective performance. It’s a far more stable foundation. It will not fail. 

Attitude Over Circumstances

The quality of your life and character isn’t determined by circumstances external to you—the things that happen to you. Both are determined by the internal choices and decisions you make in light of them. 

Which is good news because you can actually do something about them. 

“It is not as important to change our circumstances,” Tim Keller says, “as it is to change our heart’s attitude and stance toward them.” 

Your attitude is the key to turning even the worst situation around. How you think drives everything else. 

It’s easy to have a positive attitude when things are going well. But it’s a different story when they’re not. Those are the moments you need encouragement from a good friend. I want to be that good friend for you today, and remind you of a few things. 

Every situation (good or bad) has the potential to shape and impact you for the better. It might be hard and nearly impossible to get through, but it can make you tougher, stronger, and better if you’ll let it. The mental game is always the hardest part of any battle. Staying positive and upbeat when the waves are crashing about you is perhaps the most difficult thing you face on a regular basis. 

When things aren’t going well, I want you to remember what good things it could mean for you. Opportunities to grow and learn. Opportunities to be a better version of yourself today than you were yesterday. Opportunities that remind you why you’re here in the first place.

Check your thoughts the next time you find yourself in the damp dark pit of self-pity. Remind yourself that you’ve still got gas in the tank and some fight left in you. You’re not that easy to beat. You will never quit. You’re tough enough to hang in there and find the silver lining to even the darkest cloud. A silver lining that keeps you pushing forward and driving on when things are at their lowest. 

10 Parenting Tips for New Parents

Hudson is here!

Hannah and I are over the moon excited to welcome our new little guy into the world. We can’t wait to see all the adventures we’ll go on or who our little man grows up to be. We’ve been on the receiving end of a ton of good advice as we’ve prepared to be parents for the first time. Some of it has come from parents and grandparents and some has come from books we’ve read. I’d like to share some of that advice with you here.  

Some of these tips are for new parents, and some of them we’ll just have to tuck in our back pocket for down the road. Regardless, my hope is that you’ll find a nugget or two to take with you.

Treat your spouse like she has a life threatening disease. Protect her rest and serve as the gatekeeper. People visiting the house during those two weeks is exhausting. Tell your friends ahead of time you’ll let them know when you’re ready for people to come over. They’ll want to be helpful and come hang out but it’ll be too much for a while.   

Put baby on a schedule. Your sanity is important.

Let their childhood last as long as possible. Some burdens are too heavy for children. There are topics and conversations they aren’t ready to handle or shouldn’t have to until they’re older. Carry those loads for them until the time is right.

Don’t discipline out of anger. There are going to be times when your temper gets the best of you, but don’t let that be the norm. It's’ better to let something go, than to react out of anger in the moment.

Get a date night without baby as soon as possible. It will be easy for both new parents to get cabin fever and feel isolated. Getting out of the house helps provide relief. Also good to learn to leave baby early on. Gets harder the longer you go without leaving them.

Prioritize sleep. Sleep is scarce, get it when you can.

Have Dinner Together - “Families who eat dinner together,” Duhigg said, “seem to raise children with better homework skills, higher grades, greater emotional control, and more confidence. Making your bed every morning is correlated with better productivity, a greater sense of well-being, and stronger skills at sticking with a budget. It’s not that a family meal or a tidy bed causes better grades or less frivolous spending. But somehow those initial shifts start chain reactions that help other good habits take hold.”

You (dad) are not there to serve the baby, you’re there to serve the mom. Mom will be intently focused upon the needs and well being of the baby. The best way to love your child then, is to love your bride well. Look for ways to take as much pressure and distractions off your wife’s plate as possible. Make sure she is comfortable, refill her water, pray for her, do the laundry; these are all ways you can show her your love and serve her well.  

Our work is not to distract us from our children, our work is to provide for our children. Work is important because it makes so many of the other things we are responsible to do for and with our children possible. It puts food on the table and gas in the tank, but it can also become a distraction. Parents must fight hard to ensure that it doesn’t. Go home and spend time physically, emotionally and in all other ways present with your kiddos. Work is something we do for our children, but it shouldn’t keep us from them.

The goal of parenting is not control of behavior, but rather heart and life change. “As a parent,” Paul Tripp said, “you have been called to something more foundational than the control of the behavior of the children that God has entrusted to your care.” So much of the parenting advice well meaning parents give revolves around behavioral control. That’s always struck me as strange. If what I understand about Christ and the gospel is true, then we are after something far bigger than behavior modification—not just with our kids, but with everyone in our lives. Changing how they act is down river from the heart, just as politics is down river of culture. Don’t get me wrong, we are responsible for helping shape their behavior, that’s just not the most important thing on our to do list.