Feelings are a tricky thing.

They can simultaneously be your best friend and your worst enemy. As with most things, there is a dichotomy. There are two paths to how you treat your emotions. 

One puts too much stock in them and believes them good guides for decision making etc. 

The second sees them as triggers. They use them as sign posts that tell them to get in the game and change how they behave. 

Negative emotions like anger, fear, or frustration alert you to a problem within your own heart and mind. These feelings serve as warning sirens that give you the chance to change paths before things get ugly and out of hand.   

It’s a small distinction, but an important one. 

One uses these feelings as the basis for behavior, while the other allows the same feelings to trigger better and more controlled responses. 

Changing how you look at something changes everything, even when that change is something small and noticeable only within your mind. 

At what cost?

You’re given a choice each time you’re hurt. 

You could return fire and respond in kind. Or you could let it go and move on. 

Be wary of the path you choose. 

In selecting your response, you decide the person you’ll become. 

There are few, if any, neutral decisions. Each one helps form the picture of who you are today, and who you’ll be down the road. 

It may feel good to dish sarcasm, wit and venom upon your foes, but at what cost? 

A victory pursued, or even attained, in the wrong way is a hollow one. In fact, it’s not a victory at all. It’s a loss. In becoming like your enemy to beat your enemy, you become the thing you hated in the first place. Becoming evil to beat evil allows evil to win. 

You’re not called to take the path that feels good. You’re called to take the path of righteousness. The path that leads to kindness, gentleness, and character. 

Choose the right path regardless how difficult or hard it is. Stay out of the mud. 

Do it enough and you’ll become the man or woman you hoped to be. And that will make all the mud slung your way worth it, even if no one else can tell. 

Wondrous Help For When Words Fail

Heads bowed, and eyes closed the ups and downs of life weighing heavy on your heart and mind. Knowing you should pray to seek the Lord's will, guidance and way but haven't a clue where to start or what to say. Words fail and soon you muddle through the same repetitive prayer you pray each day. 

Sound familiar? 

Praying God's word can be extremely helpful in breaking up the malaise of your common prayers, and give you the words to express your deepest longings, greatest sources of anxiety and petition for God's miraculous grace to invade every corner of your world. 

Over the last several months, my wife and I have enjoyed reading through The Valley of Vision, a collection of puritan prayers and devotionals. The puritans, while just as flawed and broken as the rest of us, are a great source of joy and encouragement to this pilgrim's weary soul.

Oh how I long to study, think and pray as they did. They swam deep in the waters of God's word and it shows in every line they penned and in every prayer they wrote. God's word drips from their pen and leaves you wanting to know the Lord as intimately as these men from years long past.

Modern man can easily fall prey to believing he is more enlightened than men from ages long ago, but the eloquent writing found within the pages of these prayers displays and intellect well worth pursuing and emulating. Sentences carefully crafted, ideas grounded in both God's word and human experience, and a knowledge of the wickedness of their own hearts yields insights that transcend time.    

Not knowing what or how to pray is a conundrum each of us faces in the course of life. Thankfully God has given us both His word and the words of men carried along by His grace to provide a help to us. Below is one such prayer my wife and I read not too long ago. Notice the rhythm, rhyme, and grace of their words, but more than that notice the biblical truth that informed such a prayer.  

The Divine Will

O Lord,

I hang on thee; I see, believe, live,

when thy will, not mine, is done; 

I can plead nothing in myself

in regard of any worthiness and grace, 

in regard of thy providence and promises, 

but only thy good pleasure. 

If thy mercy make me poor and vile, blessed be thou!

Prayers arising from my needs are preparations for future mercies; 

Help me to honour thee by believing before I feel,

for great is the sin if I make feeling a cause of faith.

Show me what sins hide thee from me

and eclipse thy love;

Help me to humble myself for past evils, 

to be resolved to walk with more care, 

For if I do not walk holily before thee, 

how can I be assured of my salvation?

It is the meek and humble who are shown thy covenant,

know thy will, are pardoned and healed,

who by faith depend and rest upon grace,

who are sanctified and quickened, 

who evidence thy love.

Help me to pray in faith and so find thy will,

by leaning hard on thy rich free mercy,

by believing thou wilt give what thou hast promised;

Strengthen me to pray with the conviction

that whatever I receive is thy gift, 

so that I may pray until prayer be granted;

Teach me to believe that all degrees of mercy arise

from several degrees of prayer;

that when faith is begun it is imperfect and must grow,

as chapped ground opens wider and wider until rain comes.

So shall I wait thy will, pray for it to be done,

and by thy grace become fully obedient.  

5 Things To Remember When Feelings Are In The Driver's Seat

It was a beautiful summer night. The wind blew softly through the trees and leaves danced playfully across the street, as if to music only they could hear. Couples giggled as they strolled with comfortable ease, enjoying the feel of the setting sun upon their cheeks. It was truly a wondrous mid-summer's evening. 

A joyous hum reverberated off the walls as they opened the double doors leading inside. Two star crossed lovers sat enthralled with one another in a near by corner booth, truly lost in their own little world. Several families sat holding hands and bowing their heads as they praying over their meals, thanking God for His good and gracious provision. A group of long lost friends were gathered around a long narrow table. They were telling stories, cracking jokes and toasting recent victories. Excitement, love, joy, and thankfulness could be seen inscribed upon their faces. The aroma of garlic bread and pizza dough filled their lungs and caused mouths to water. The room bubbled over with energy, and not one unhappy soul could be found. 

As the host led the way, everyone looked around soaking up the atmosphere. Not only were mouths watering and stomaches growling with hunger, but hearts longed to connect. Flashes of smiles and the sounds of happiness flooded the senses. They sat down, ordered a round and conversation ensued. Topics bounced around faster than a pinball. One minute discussing the sights, sounds and flavors of the night, another diving into the wonder and splendor of recent adventures. Maybe someone recently returned from a trip to Spain, where they ran with the bulls and inhaled a culture different from their own. Perhaps someone recently met their childhood idle or got to jam with a musical legend. Whatever the topic, conversation flows with the smoothness of your favorite cabernet. Smiling faces and laughs all around. Everyone is filled with excitement, joy and energy.

Things couldn't be more fun. That is until they all of a sudden aren't. Out of the blue the conversation takes a turn. What was once an evening filled with laughter and smiles has all of a sudden taken on a more serious tone. What's this? Controversy at the dinner table? Not everyone is so happy and go with the flow anymore. Passions run high, opinions and beliefs hit the table with the comparative thud of a stack of biology textbooks in a quiet library. Fingers get pointed and voices raised. No one jumps across the table or resorts to physical violence, but boy does the tone and voracity of the discussion change. 

What happened to turn such a glorious evening into one filled with disagreement and contention?  

Emotions and feelings got in the way of love, compassion and reason. 

Ever since the forbidden fruit touched man's lips, we've gone our own way and run from what we know is right. Things have escalated of late and feelings have taken over. By listening to feelings and emotion we have become a culture enslaved by them. Not only do we increasingly respond emotionally, but we have begun to reason emotionally as well. Feelings have officially dethroned reason and thought from their rightful place. 

That's a huge problem. 

Maybe you've noticed that your heart, like mine, has a million different feelings swirling around inside at any given moment. It may even feel like it's about to burst and come crashing through your chest like the Kool Aid Man. What are we to do when the deck feels so stacked against us? As I've processed what to say in response to a culture and a heart held captive by feelings, I keep coming back to the concept of reminders. Reminders can serve a pretty powerful role in our lives. They can help keep us focused on thoughts, ideas and truth when we need it most.

If you've ever been bowling, you've no doubt seen the bumper rails that help young kids avoid a constant barrage of gutter balls. Reminders can serve a very similar role for us. They help keep us on the straight and narrow instead of constantly finding ourselves in the gutter. 

That's exactly what I want to do with the remainder of this post. Remind us both of a few important things that just might help us keep it together.   

1. Feelings aren't reliable. They change with far too great a frequency. Trying to keep up with the whims of your emotions is an exercise in chasing the wind. You're not entirely sure where it came from or where its going. You just know its past you by. Not to say your feelings and mine aren't real and valid. They just shouldn't carry near the weight and credence we give them.  

2. Truth really does matter. Nietzsche may have been wrong about quite a few things but it can't be said that he didn't understood the implications of his ideas. In his "Parable of the Madman" his madman asks a  series of insightful questions in response to the death of God. Among the most potent and pressing is, "Who gave us a sponge to wipe away the horizon?" It points us directly to the implications of unhinging ourselves from truth. The truth about God, how he designed the universe to operate and our right response to it all. When we walk away from truth, there's no longer any up or down, left or right, right or wrong. In effect, we loose all sight of the horizon. Like a boat lost at sea, we drift farther and farther off course until we've lost all sight of where we began and where we are headed. Without firm and constant reminders of truth each of us will drift and wake up to find ourselves somewhere we never wanted to go.      

3. Slowing down won't hurt you. Not everything has to be done, or said in the moment. There is a place for calm, reasoned reflection. Take a deep breath, drink some water and hit pause on a conversation when you need to. 

4. No response required. Not every opinion, statement or argument presented requires our response. This is a hard one! Just like a referee, we each can have the tendency to quickly and passionatly point out where others are wrong or where we disagree. When has this approach ever gone well? Usually it leads down a new rabbit trail and derails the entire conversation. Rarely does it accomplish what we desire. Be selective about what points you will and won't respond to, even if that means holding your tongue all together.  

5. Method and tone eat message for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We've all heard it a thousand times, because its so very true. It's not what you say, but how you say it. We can say good, right and true things in the wrong way and no one will hear it. All anyone will focus on is our delivery.