You’ve Got Mail is one of my favorite movies. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are a powerhouse duo exchanging witty banter wrapped in an Affair To Remember esk story. At least once each year, I beg Hannah to let me dig it out and throw it in the ol’ DVD player. Every time, is almost like the first time all over again. Isn’t it that way with our favorites? No matter how many times we’ve seen them, we never get tired of them. As I sat down to write this morning, it popped into my mind. Scene after scene, line after line. In fact, I’m replaying the scene about the Godfather in my head as I type. Greatness!

As I sat here replaying it in my head, another scene came to mind. Less funny, more serious, yet something I find immensely helpful in this season of life. Midway through the film, Meg Ryan and a character named Birdie have lunch. Meg Ryan’s character has just made the decision to close her charming little bookstore. In the exchange, Birdie issues a series of lines that have stuck with me. They hit me each and every year.

“You are daring to imagine,” Birdie says, “that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn't feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But you're not. You are marching into the unknown armed with...Nothing. Have a sandwich.”

Everything about those lines is lovely. Meg Ryan’s character is feeling low because the business her mother built and left to her, is closing. In the midst of this deep pain, Birdie reminds her of the immense bravery it takes to face the unknown, to do the thing you find particularly hard and difficult.

I feel Hannah and I are marching into the unknown ourselves. In just a few short days, our first son will arrive. Talk about a life changer. Our whole world is about to be upended, in a good way. While we’ve done everything we can think of to prepare, there remains a great deal we are unaware of.

I’m freaking out inside. There are so many questions swirling around in my head, that it hurts. How little sleep is in my future? How will that stress impact our marriage? Do we have enough diapers? Is there anything I’m forgetting? Do we have everything we need for the nursery? Will I drop him? Will we be good parents? What will this new adventure bring into our lives? So many questions, so little answers.

How do you prepare for unknown situations, when you’re freaked out and haven’t a clue what to expect? I’ve thought about that question and a hundred like it. They’ve kept me up at night, and haunted my dreams. They’ve followed me around and lived with me for months on end. Today, I’d like to share with you the result, and how we are preparing to face the unknown once more.

The truth is, this isn’t the first time we’ve “marched into the unknown” and it certainly won’t be the last. We’ve walked this path before, and so have you. Facing situations, events and circumstances you aren’t entirely sure of, is as common as it gets. You don’t know the future, and as a result everything comes with a side of doubt and uncertainty.

Your level of uncertainty changes minute by minute, day by day. While uncertain of every aspect of most situations, you have a reasonable expectation for how it will go. You’ve had similar experiences before and have formed some idea of what most things on your calendar will look like. Other events however, throw massive amounts of uncertainty your way. The more that stands to change in your life, the more unknowns you have to be stressed over. Whether something big or small, the uncertainty is headed your way.

Abide with Christ

Don’t allow uncertainty and stress to threaten your world, and hold you captive. The surest way I know to throw off the heavy yoke the things of this world attempt to lay upon me is to look to Jesus. “Come to me,” Jesus said, “all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Abiding with Christ is the only path to peace in this life, and joy everlasting. One mark of walking with Him is peace in the midst of chaos. You have no need to worry, because you know who’s in control. There is never a moment in your life, during which the Lord wants you to worry. To worry is sin. It communicates your concern that God might get things wrong and that if you just had control things would turn out alright. How often does this pattern play out? How many of the things you’ve prayed the Lord would spare you from, are the very things that ended up shaping who you are the most?

Abiding with Christ involves spending time with His word and doing what it says. Abiding and obedience are inextricably linked, so what does God’s word tell us to do, with our anxiety and fear?

Pray

“Don’t be anxious in anything,” Paul said, “but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Worry, anxiety and stress are heavy burdens you just don’t have to carry. Cast them off and let Christ deal with it. What keeps us up and costs us sleep, makes Him laugh. He is not worried and He has it under control. Lay your burdens down at the feet of Jesus in prayer because He cares for you. While the burden may be too much for you to bear, it’s not too much for Him. Let Him carry it.

Prayer is a powerful tool God has given you to fight the stress and anxiety uncertainty sends your way. Lay it all out there. "Tell God all that is in your heart,” Francois Fenelon said, “as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pains, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you to conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself as to others."

God can do something about what’s troubling you and He wants to. What you have in Him is a loving father. Loving fathers are concerned with what’s keeping their kids up at night and want to alleviate their burdens. The Lord is no different. Put it all out there in very real, and raw terms. He loves you and wants to hear what’s on your heart.

Focus On Truth

“The most important battle you will ever fight,” Todd Wagner said, “is the battle for your mind and the most important weapon in this fight is truth.” Your mind is flooded with a million different thoughts each day, and not all of them are good, helpful or even true. What you do with each of those thoughts will determine everything.

You have to train yourself to think rightly in all circumstances by constantly reminding yourself of what’s true. You facedown what you don’t know by focusing on what you do. You may not know exactly what the future holds, but you can know who holds it. Fix your gaze on Him.

Consistent time in God’s word is the only way this happens. There’s just no way around it. No matter how many times you hear it, daily time in the Bible is the lifeblood of the Christian life. It offers practical and helpful instruction for every aspect of life, especially when staring down anxiety, but most importantly the Bible connects you with the author of life Himself.

“Finally, brothers,” Paul said, “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Releasing your anxiety is only half the battle, you have to embrace truth in its place. Focus on what is true, honorable, pure and more. This is how you transform your mind, so that you know how to respond rightly no matter what comes your way.

Seek The Wisdom of Others

“The physical presence,” Bonhoeffer said, “of other Christians is a source of incomparable joy and strength to the believer.” The Lord has been incredibly kind to you in that He has made you a part of the body of Christ. Within the body are countless men and women who have walked your steps before. What is uncertain to you, may not be to someone else. Ask good questions, seek counsel and wisdom, and avail yourself to the wisdom of others.

The input and experience of your fellow believers can help alleviate a great deal of stress. Their insights can be huge. Go find someone who's walked the path you’re headed down. Regardless what the road ahead looks like, you can face it. Lock arms with other believers and wade into ambivalent seas ready to tackle what comes together. Remember that we is stronger than me. You don’t have to go it alone.

Several years ago, a friend asked my wife Hannah to capture her wedding day. Little did we know the vast impact this simple ask would have on our lives. Great things often reside on the other side of the opportunities that appear to fall in your lap. "I've always been an artist (not a writer),” Hannah says. “ever since I could hold a pencil in my hands. But the moment I shot my very first wedding I knew I had found my passion. The fast pace of the day, the anticipation & excitement, the true genuine joy that surrounds every single person, the details from the flowers to the borrowed veil from grandma. I was instantly in love.” Cottonwood Road Photography hasn’t been the same since that beautiful day. What had begun as Hannah’s photography business, was now ours.

Since then we’ve worked hand in hand to build a successful business. Perhaps you’re in the same boat. You work day in and day out with your spouse, or you want to. Working with your spouse might be a dream come true on many fronts, but you’ve got to be careful. If you take your eye off the ball, for even a second, it could ruin your marriage. Building a business isn’t worth it if you have to sacrifice the health of your marriage to get it. Your kids won’t thank you if to reaching the top of the mountain blows up your family. I don’t want that to be you anymore than you do. What follows are the five secrets Hannah and I keep in our back pocket as we navigate life and work as team Hagaman.

Daily Abide With Christ

“I am the vine,” Jesus said, “you are the branches. Whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” The key to working with your spouse, is remaining connected to Jesus. He is the source of everything you’re going to do well at your job, without ruining your marriage. The ability to extend grace, love, patience, kindness, gentleness, and remain self controlled when you feel like losing it, flow from your connection to Christ.

Abiding with Christ consists of obeying God’s word. “All scripture,” Paul said, “is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” Being intimately acquainted with the word of God is used to accomplish some pretty amazing things in your life. Spend time with it regularly. Marinate your heart in the Bible to such an extent that it flavors everything you do and say. When you do this, it will go well with you.

Establish Healthy Boundaries

Instead of coming home after a long day at the office, you are now sharing that day with your spouse. All day long you’re bouncing ideas off each other, asking questions of one another and working diligently to get your work done. If you aren’t careful, your business will begin to dominate every other area of your lives and marriage. It will be the thing you talk about over dinner or when you go out for date night. It will consume you both and destroy the most valuable human relationship you have.

This happens for two reasons:

Failure to set clear boundaries
Placing too great a value on how hard you work

It seems he drum beat of our culture is hard work. While not a bad thing in and of itself, if taken to an extreme its toxic. Entrepreneurs and business leaders brag about how busy they are, and how many hours they work. Just ask your best friend how it’s going and he’ll reply with some platitude about being swamped, running ragged or things being crazy. To an objective third party it sounds out of control and they’d be right to say so. Working around the clock nonstop isn’t good and it certainly isn’t necessary. Studies over the last several years, have even shown that it might be counterproductive and even harmful. So don’t do it. Resist the urge to define how serious you are about what your building by the number of hours you clock.

Set healthy and strict boundaries around your time and schedule. Create rules for yourself and stick to them. Give yourselves a set work schedule, and don’t talk shop outside these times. Will there be times when this is impossible? Of course, but those times should be the exception not the rule. You’re already trying to do too much, because you’re overcommitted. Don’t worry about that too much right now, everyone else is in the same boat. However, you haven’t worked your tail off to end up in the same boat as everyone else. No, you want to get out of that boat entirely because judging from the national divorce statistics, everyone else has terrible marriages. Flip the script and begin setting healthy boundaries around your work and schedule. It just might save your marriage.

Know Your Role & Help Your Spouse Fulfill Theirs

Building a successful business with your spouse, takes more than setting good boundaries, it requires you to focus on what you do best. You and your spouse aren’t wired exactly the same. You might be good at numbers, and spreadsheets might make you sing, while your spouse might throw up a little just thinking about either. You each bring different skill sets to the table and that’s a good thing. Play to your strengths. Align roles in such a way that you each get to focus the bulk of your time on doing what you excel at. There will be task and responsibilities that just have to be done, even though neither of you are especially gifted at them. That’s just part of life and you get that. The rest of your time however, needs to focus on what only you can do. Ask yourself, what can only I do? What can I take off my spouse’s plate, that will allow them to focus on something only they can do? If you start thinking how you can each free the other up do what they’re best at, you’ll be on the path to not just a successful business but a great marriage as well.

Have At Least One Meeting A Week

Meetings have received a bad rap the last several years, mostly because people do them wrong. They fail to set an agenda, have the meeting before the meeting and keep the reasons for meetings to important matters. The majority of meetings, have become a complete waste of everyone’s time. Time after all is the most precious resource you have. You don’t want to waste even one second of it. Not every meeting however, is a waste. Sometimes they can serve to keep the wheels of progress turning.

Schedule time with your spouse to have a conversation about what you’ve got going on, what’s going well, and what isn’t. It can be as informal and flexible as you decide, but it should have the goal of keeping you on the same page and setting you up to love and serve one another well. Come up with a hand full of questions to ask each other on a weekly basis, and guard that time like a momma bear guarding her cubs. Don’t let other things keep you two from connecting and syncing up your worlds weekly, the consequences could be deadly. If you need a little help coming up with questions, here are a few to get you started.

Don’t Forget To Dream Together

“In dreams,” Albus Dumbledore said, “we enter a world that’s entirely our own.” Dreaming is as intricate a part of building your business together as invoicing your clients. Don’t think so? Try to go a week or two without dreaming about your life or business. You can’t do it. Dreams are the fuel that feed the fire within. They carry you to new heights and propel you onwards. “I don’t have dreams. I have goals.” You might say. But what is a goal other than the measurable and time-bound expression of a dream. Goals are how you turn dreams into reality. If you’re not dreaming, it won’t be long until you’re drowning. You can’t work weeks and months on end, without a dream fueling it. So go for walk, schedule a dinner or get out of town with your spouse and dream a little.