The writings of C.S. Lewis are a wonderful gift to the human soul. They remain evergreen; relevant and helpful at any time. They are not concerned with passing trends and cultural to-dos but focused upon the overarching truths about human life. Lewis’ writings provide strong support to undergird the faithful, and an on-ramp into the faith to the wayward.
Tucked within his masterwork, Mere Christianity, you’ll find a chapter entitled Christian Marriage. It is a work worth wearing out with regular visits and obstructing with generous underlining. Below you’ll find a passage from this chapter. It is one that attacks our generation’s preoccupation with feelings head-on.
Todd Wagner channels Lewis well on this point when he says that, “Feelings are real, they just aren’t reliable.” They are a poor foundation on which to build your life. They shift and change like the wind blow sands of the Sahara. They can’t be trusted to last.
They can’t be trusted to last, in part because you have little control over them. In fact, you sit up and notice when someone around you exhibits great control over them. It’s a noteworthy occurrence. One worth celebrating! As such it stands outside the normal course of human interactions and as such confirms Lewis’ point.
Promises must, therefore, be about actions you can take. Lewis doesn’t leave you hanging. A quick turn of the page and you find this helpful guidance:
There it is! That big bright blinking light leading you on the path to living out the love you promised on your wedding day; habit. Love is a verb, not a feeling only.
You can make love a habit.
How awesome is that?
Loving your spouse well comes down to the design of your daily habits and routines. And you get a vote on what those look like. You’re not left waiting for a feeling; you have the opportunity to shape them with purpose.
Everything in your life is shaped by your habits, including your marriage. Take stock of your current habits. Eliminate the poor ones. Reinforce the good. And most importantly of all, establish your best ones yet. Habits that will pay dividends for as long as you both shall live.