This is our final week reading Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins together. We’ve spent the past six-plus weeks combing through Goggins’ story for lessons to apply to our lives. If anything we’ve faced the repeated lesson that while we can’t control everything to happen to us, we can control how we respond. Below are my reflections from chapters 10 and 11.
Reflections
Last week, we talked about remaining committed to achieving our best every day. While you can’t control the circumstances of life, your job remains to choose your response to them. That response should always push you towards becoming the best version of yourself.
You won’t become that best version of yourself while focusing on negativity. Don’t dwell on your failures. They may be, “stepping stones to future success,” but dwelling on them won’t help you.
“We need to surround ourselves,” Goggins said, “with people who will tell us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.” Facing down the truth of a situation’s outcome differs from dwelling on it. Dwelling involves an unhealthy fixation while debriefing a situation helps you face reality.
Facing reality is how we become our best selves. Having people around you that will join you in that process is a must. Self-improvement isn’t a solo mission. We need people to call out our blind spots and offer divergent opinions on how to improve.
In short, we need not only the struggle of the external world to grate and grind on us, we need the well-wielded scalpel of a friend to wound us as well. Things in life will get tough. We’ve covered that at length in this series. What we haven’t covered is the importance of locking arms with likeminded individuals who will sharpen you. The conversations may get uncomfortable, but they are invaluable to your pursuits.
“The most important conversations,” Goggins said, “you’ll ever have are the ones you’ll have with yourself.” You talk to you more than anyone else on the planet. Which also means you tell yourself some pretty messed up things. Things with staying power. Things that cut to your core.
It’s been said that we are the sum total of our thoughts. Sadly, it's true in many ways. We tell ourselves all manner of negative and hurtful things. Things we’d never say to another human being out loud. That’s the sad reality of living in your head. Wherever you go, and whatever you do, you’re there. If you’re feeding yourself negative thoughts, it’s going to hold you back.
Perhaps one of the most important lessons we can learn in the study is that our first response to life’s hardships happens within our mind first. It forms and shapes exactly how we react.
Facing up to this reality and taking responsibility for our thoughts is a major step forward. In fact, its what this book is principally about–shaping how your mind copes with the stuff life throws at you.
Hardship, failure, and loss are coming for each of us, and that’s 100% ok. We’ve learned that it can make us better versions of ourselves. But it can only do so if we take control of our minds. It’s a powerful weapon we can leverage to change everything about who we are and the decisions we make. That’s why Paul commands us to “be transformed by the renewal of our mind.”
Your Turn
I’ve enjoyed reading Can’t Hurt Me with you over the last several weeks. It is a wealth of knowledge on how to handle the ups and downs of life. It holds out hope for us in conquering hardship and making it work for us. Goggins has shown us how to harness our mind and turn pain into our ally. He has shown us how to find the answers in the pain, and bring them to bear in our lives.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading Can’t Hurt Me. If so please share your reflections and takeaways below or if you’re reading this in your inbox, hit respond. I want to hear what you’ve learned and how you’re applying it.