My heart is prone to wander. It drifts with the moving tides until I look back at the shore and realize I’ve moved. In those moments, I need resources to help me get back on track.
Those resources often come in the form of podcasts and books. Both provide excellent reminders of the man I want to be and give helpful light to finding the path forward.
Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a reoccurring book upon my desk. I pick it up and read a page here, and a chapter there from time to time. Every now and then, however, I am compelled to revisit it in its entirety. I am in the middle of doing this for the third or fourth time.
I feel as if I am reading it for the first time again. New things jump off every page, and the experiences of life give new color to every chapter. Perhaps my greatest takeaway thus is Covey’s first habit: Be Proactive.
Being proactive means to take ownership or responsibility for everything in your world. You cease allowing anything other than your own free choice to dictate what you do. In short, you grab hold of your life and direct what happens.
Being proactive is a mindset. It is a mindset that aggressively confronts reality with a winsome response. It is not aggressive with others; it is aggressive in the sense that it moves forward. It doesn’t retreat; it pushes on in spite of opposition. It does not react rashly out of emotion, but speaks and acts intentionally with full control of their emotions.
“The proactive approach,” Covey said, “is to change from the inside-out: to be different, and by being different, to effect positive change in what’s out there–I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be more creative, I can be more cooperative.”
Proactive people own situations in their lives. They do not complain or wallow in self-pity. They focus on what they can control, letting go of what they cannot. That’s what makes a significant difference in the lives of proactive people. They expend energy on things over which they have control.
“If I really want to improve my situation,” Covey said. “I can work on the one thing over which I have control–myself. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses. I can focus on being a great marriage partner, a source of unconditional love and support. Hopefully, my wife will feel the power of proactive example and respond in kind. But whatever she does or doesn’t, the most positive way I can influence my situation is to work on myself, on my being.”
The only thing over which you have real control is yourself. Be proactive and focus on what you control. Improve it as best as you can. Focusing there and improve your life from the inside-out. That’s the only way it works. That the only way things actually change. Change must first begin within you before it can happen outside you.
That is a reminder I need often. I need to hear that I am responsible for everything within my world. When things go wrong, I need to own not only the problem but the solution.
I need to hear the truth that while emotions are real, they aren’t reliable. Values and principles should drive decisions and behavior, rather than feelings.
I need to hear that changing my world, begins with changing the world within me. The answer to overcoming life’s obstacles lies in committing to deeper character development. Focusing on things like humility, patience, diligence, grit, teachability, and discipline are the keys to unlocking the doors to a better future.
I need to the reminder to focus only on the things I can control; and that the only area over which I have control is myself. I need to focus on these things and forget the rest. If it is outside my control, it shouldn’t take up space in my brain. There is so little room inside the mind that diverting attention to things outside personal control wastes energy and inhibits effectiveness.
I’m thankful for books like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. They remind as often as they instruct. Without the wise counsel, their voices provide echo in my mind as I walk through life, and inspire me onward in my quest to live a full and meaningful life. A life of purpose and impact.