Monthly Mash Up (January 2019)

I published my first two blog posts in a while earlier this week and will be sharing things learned and discovered during my absence. Below is one of my favorite reoccurring posts on the blog. It’s called Monthly Mash Up and serves as a collection of quotes, books, articles and audio impacting me each month.

I do this the last week of each month. It’s my way of peeling back the layers and sharing the things that have the greatest impact on me each month. I hope these resources are helpful and brighten your day. If you enjoy it, pass it along to family, friends and the occasional stranger.

Quote I’m Chewing On

"There is no growth without change, there is no change without loss, and there is no loss without pain. If you are going to grow, you will have to change, and change means you let go of some old things and grab hold of some new things." -Rick Warren, You Can't Change by Accident

What I’m Reading

1. Come Let Us Adore Him by Paul Tripp
2. Money, Possessions and Eternity by Randy Alcorn
3. Managing God's Money by Randy Alcorn
4. Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
5. Behold the King: A Study in Matthew by Stanley D. Toussaint
5. Matthew by John Walvoord

What I’m Listening To

1. Midland Radio playlist on Spotify
2. All Things Chris Stapleton
3. What you might not know about IVF via Stand to Reason podcast

From The Internet

1. What Does It Mean That We're "Justified by Works"? via Crossway
2. Warren Buffett's "20 Slot" Rule: How to Simplify Your Life and Maximize Your Results by James Clear
3. The Job Interview Approach by Seth Godin
4. You Make or Break Your Life Between 5-7am by Benjamin Hardy

2018 Year in Review

We are three weeks into a new year. A new year brimming with possibility and opportunity. It can be anything we want it to be, but not without serious work. That’s the thing about climbing new heights and reaching new goals-they demand a lot from us. Seldom do they happen by accident. In fact, they never do. We have to consistently work a plan to turn them into reality.

We could plan out this new year, and set goals without taking stock of where we’ve been, and what we’ve done. But where would be the fun in that? And honestly, where would be the wisdom in charging ahead so blindly?

I’m stealing my good friend Scott Kedersha’s template and asking myself these three questions as a guide to reviewing last year:

1. What went well?

2. What didn’t?

3. What did I learn?

I found this to be a blast of an exercise. It helped me gain clarity on so many aspects of the last 365 or so days, and I am thrilled to share it with you here.

What went well?

Marriage. My wife and I had a fantastic year. Hannah and I grew closer and enter 2019 in a great place, despite some difficult and hard things, which we’ll go into below. Our marriage is in a great place and healthier than it was even a few months ago. We resolve conflict quickly, work on our relationship, and approach everything as a team.

Business. Our photography company continued to grow and connect us with outstanding people. A recent out of state wedding felt more like a vacation with good friends and family than work. That’s a tremendous blessing and testimony to the quality of people we meet on a regular basis.

We also decided to start another business in 2018. While it is still getting off the ground, it is energizing to take on a new challenge and learn new things. This new effort has connected us with new friends and deepened other relationships. Their support, encouragement, and help are awe-inspiring and daily encouragement. 

What didn’t go well?

Writing. What started as a break for the holidays at the close of 2017, turned into a year-long hiatus. New projects and opportunities arose, and writing took a back seat. It was strange for me not to sit down and write on a regular basis because I love and enjoy the process. It aloud me to clear my mind, hit the reset button and ask important questions about the purpose, and direction of my writing.

Most would think that the purpose of maintaining a blog would be to generate and develop a following. That’s not my concern. I have no interest in building a giant following. That’s not the purpose of my writing. I write as a means of expression. An expression I share knowing my struggles, successes, and failures are not unique. While they may not be identical, countless others share them. This repository of lessons learned is meant to encourage and serve you as you face this dangerous battle called life.

As for direction, I will continue to share the things I am reading, learning and focusing on. Discipline will remain a heavy feature I am sure, but other topics will join the fray in 2019. The Monthly Mash Up will continue as a regular collection of resources that get me thinking and encourage my heart.

Now that my hiatus is complete, I will need to focus on rebuilding my writing habits. Rebuilding broken habits is difficult work. It often means reworking your schedule, and saying no to things you’d otherwise say yes to. That is the work I’m setting out to do in 2019, to re-establish life giving habits.

My wife and I experienced our second miscarriage. Before the birth of our son, my wife and I walked through our first miscarriage. We found that time difficult, trying and life-altering. To this day, that first miscarriage was the hardest thing I have ever walked through. The Lord was abundantly kind, gracious and loving in that season. He brought so many kind people into our lives and comforted us in our distress. In the end, that first miscarriage served to strengthen both our trust in The Lord and our marriage.

Several months later, The Lord gifted us the most precious little boy. He is amazing and the light of our world. After his birth, we didn’t give miscarriage a second thought as started trying for a second child. Sadly, our next pregnancy ended in a second heartbreaking miscarriage.

Our response to this second was different from our first. Our response wasn’t wallowing in our grief and giving in to the pain and hurt of it all. It was to get back in the game and expand our trust in the Lord. He is the one in control. He knows the answer to every, “Why me?”, that escapes our lips or crosses our minds. While we aren’t privy to the specifics we want, we have the only answer we need. That answer is that all the things we like the least–pain, hurt, loss–are for our good. They are working to accomplish the awesome task of transforming us into the image of Jesus Christ.

What did I learn?

I am at my best when I get up early. Life falls apart and productivity plummets when I get out of my routine. The key driver to that routine involves waking up early. First thing in the morning my mind is at it’s sharpest. Getting up early allows me to read, write and complete important tasks.

Fatherhood is the best. Every dad I know impresses upon me the speed of time. They say things like, “The years are flying by”, or “They’ll be grown before you know it.” We are like the morning dew. Here in the morning and gone by the afternoon. Life is short. We have to make the most of each moment. That’s why we must resolve conflict quickly, pursue dreams with passion, and cherish loved ones. As my son nears his second birthday, I’m drinking it in. I tell him I love him every chance I get. I hug him like its the last chance I’ll ever get. I do any and everything to squeeze as much life out of our time together as possible. Being a dad is a wonderful gift.

“What do you want to eat?”, is the hardest question you can ask me. Food is a touchy subject in the Hagaman household, and not for the reasons you’d think. It’s not that we’re on different pages about what forms a healthy diet. It’s that thinking about food drives me insane. I despise having to eat many times a day. It eats up so much time and frustrates me. Most of that time and frustration is my own doing. I complicate meal time by not having a clue what I want. Nothing sounds good. Nothing sounds worth the effort. Nothing excites my taste buds. Even when I find something I like, I ruin it. I’ll eat the same thing for days or even weeks until I am so sick of it I can’t stand the thought of it. I know I’m a mess, but its a frustrating topic.

I have to write down my prayers. My mind wanders most when I am trying to pray. After a few seconds, it is off track and wandering through fields of action items. That’s why I had to start writing down my prayers. If I try to pray without a pen in hand, distraction arrives to whisk my mind away to some undisclosed location. Writing them down has helped me gain consistency and clarity in my prayer life. It helps me focus my thoughts on communicating with the Lord and worshiping Him. This is the most important lesson I learned in 2018 because it is the most impactful upon my life.

Writing is about telling the truth

I've been reading Anne Lammott's fantastic book Bird by Bird. It is a lovely collective of writing advice and some wonderfully crafted writing. Her take on school lunches is an especially delightful read. Early in the book, she shares one of my favorite gems. "Good writing," Anne Lammott said, "is about telling the truth."

This is a blog–which is an exercise in writing, although not necessarily one in good writing. It is an exercise that like many of us is either going well or poorly depending on the day. It has ebbs and flows, good days and bad days, helpful insights and thoughts that fall flat. Which is to say the one true thing that all writing is without question: human.

I usually fail to take a step back and acknowledge the humanity inherent in this transaction. I view it as words on a page and turn it into a transaction rather than the conversation it has the potential to be.

Writers carve away at every memory, emotion, and idea. They work to express them with clarity in hopes that at least one other living soul connects with and draws value from their effort. Few things are so intimate.

How could it be anything else?

How could we expect writing to share all the virtues of mankind, and yet remain void of our flaws?

In truth, we can't expect such things of writing because we can't expect such things from ourselves.

Faults, inconsistencies, and missteps fill this blog, as they fill my life. Strong at times, and crawling or disappearing altogether at others. Such is the humanity we all comprise.

This blog is climbing out of a dark period at present. New content hasn't hit the page in several months. I've missed stopping in to visit with you about the new things I'm learning and old lessons I'm learning again.

I won't make promises about returning with a renewed vigor or commitment to talk at a given frequency. I'll say the only true thing I can think to say:

Nice to see you again. It's been far too long. I am excited to be visiting with you again and look forward to seeing where our conversation goes from here.

Thanksgiving 2018

Lincoln’s 1863 Thanksgiving Proclamation*

“It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to owe their dependence upon the overruling power of God. It is the duty of nations as well as of men to owe their dependence upon the over-ruling power of God. To confess their sins and transgressions in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that with genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon. And to recognize the sublime truth announced in the Holy Scriptures, and proven by all history that those nations are blessed whose God is the Lord. We know that by His divine law, nations like individuals are subject to punishments and chastisements in this world. May we not justify fear that the awful calamity of Civil War, which now desolates the land, may be a punishment inflicted upon us for our presumptuous sins to the needful end of our national reformation as a whole people.

We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of heaven. We have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us, and we have vainly imagined in the deceitfulness of our hearts that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace too proud to pray to the God that made us.*

It has seemed to me fit and proper that God should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people.

I do, therefore, invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea, and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our benevolent Father who dwelleth in the heavens."

---

The first two paragraphs of the quote are from Abraham Lincoln's "Proclamation Appointing a National Fast Day," March 30, 1863. The rest quoted here is from Lincoln's October 1863 Thanksgiving proclamation.

Abandoning Balance

Achieving balance in your life sounds great. The way it’s talked about, you’d think that if you could perfectly balance your time you’d experience peace like never before. I’m no different. I envision a life where I get everything done, make everyone happy and never feel stressed or hurried because I’ve got this time management thing down. And just like you, I’m never going to get there. It’s just like the stories I read to my son each night, a fantasy that will never come true. A perfectly balanced schedule is impossible. 

Abandon balance as a goal. It’s not going to help either of us get more done. 

One glance at the pages of any history book tells the story in full. They're filled with story after story of meaningful lives rarely characterized by balance. Look carefully and you’ll see men and women who tackled the challenges before them with passion. They didn’t expend their energy trying to balance forty different things, instead, they gave their all to each part of their life. 

What are the things you’re passionate about? You wife? The kids? A project you’re working on? A side hustle you’re building? What would it look like if you allowed your passions to drive you instead of the mythical creature called balance? 

I’ll confess, I don’t have all the answers. This is still a new concept for me, and I’m working to understand it more fully. What I want to share with you today, however, are a few things I’ve learned through this process.  

1. You have to decide how you’ll spend your time before other people do it for you. 
2. Time management is life management. 
3. Every time you want to make progress, you’re met with some form of resistance.  
4. Balance is a bad pursuit - it doesn’t feel like an advance, it feels like a retreat.
5. People who accomplish significant things aren’t balanced people, they’re passionate people.
6. The passion you bring to your work, brings glory to God regardless of what you do. 
7. You have the same amount of time as every other person in history. 
8. Not all hours feel equal. Energy levels wax and wane throughout the day. 
9. Do what you’re best at when you’re at your best. 
10. Schedules are a good thing.  

I’ve fallen into the trap of thinking the answer to getting more done, is working harder. It’s my default setting. Whenever I meet resistance, I put my head down and push harder. It rarely if ever ends well. Burnout and breakdown are usually its side effects. Hard work isn’t a bad thing, but it can’t be all you have. You’ve got to plug into passion.  

How would it transform your life to pursue everything you do with passion? 

Let’s stop playing defense by pursuing balance and go on offense by engaging in every area of our life with passion. I’m still learning how to do this, but love the shift in mindset it brings. Going on offense is so much more fun than sitting back and playing defense.